Help! My people are torturing me! I didn’t do anything wrong and yet they force me to wear the Cone of Shame! Call the authorities! I would do it myself, but I don’t have thumbs. This is utterly unacceptable parenting, who do they think they are? There’s no telling how much longer my prison sentence will last. Since they’re the worst people ever, I’m sure they’ll drag it out as long as possibility. For all I know, this could be my last Colbert’s Corner since I may not make it out alive. Goodbye to you all, it’s been a pleasure.
Editor’s Note: Colbert had a cut on his foot that he would not stop licking, thus the Cone of Shame. His foot has since healed and he is no longer required to wear it. He promptly forgot that he ever had to wear the Cone of Shame and he still loves us.
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